2 Blondes and a Ginger

2 Blondes and a Ginger

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Mommas Were Made to Hold Their Babies

I went to the doctor on Monday and the nurse wouldn't even tell me what my blood pressure was. It was really high. She told me to lie down on my side and took it again several minutes later. It was a little better. The doctor walked in and told me that he wasn't sending me to the hospital, but he was putting me on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy (I've got 8 weeks until my due date). He said I could do only what I did when I was in the hospital with Graham. Sit up, lay down, and go to the bathroom. Needless to say, he told me I couldn't really take care of Graham. I couldn't just call up my manager and tell her I was taking a leave of absence like I did last time. I have to have someone come help me take care of my own kid 24/7. I cried, I asked questions, and I tried to make sense of it all. The truth is, I can't really make sense of it. The doctor said that it would develop into preeclampsia, but it's just a matter of whether they decide to deliver Lucy before the preeclampsia develops.
Preeclampsia is more that just a blood pressure issue in pregnancy. It can appear all of a sudden or it can appear gradually, and it can affect both the mother and the baby (the mother's organs, the growth of the baby, etc). It is the leading cause of maternal/fetal death. Not really one of those facts you want to read about, but thankfully in the U.S. this is rarely the case. Thank goodness for prenatal care! Everyone just says that it is a crazy disease. They don't know what causes it and the only cure is delivery of the baby. So that makes it difficult. Obviously doctors want to keep the mother pregnant until she can deliver a healthy baby, but sometimes in the best interest of both mom and baby it means a premature delivery.
I'm frustrated, I'm sad, I'm bored, and I'm trying to trust in God all at the same time. I had a 75% chance of this NOT happening again. Why do I have to be in the 25%? Maybe if we knew this was going to happen again, then Jeff and I would have decided to not have any more children. And what would life be like one day without little Lucy Paige? God has a plan, I'm sure.
I was hoping I would not meet this baby until December 1st when I have a c-section scheduled, but it looks like we'll probably meet her a little sooner. I really want to make it to 34 weeks. That's just two weeks from today. Even better than that would be 36 weeks. Some of those 36 week babies don't even have to stay in the NICU. And any further than that would just be icing on the cake. So maybe, just maybe, since this is not a bartering game, I will ask God for the icing on the cake. It's scary to write that down, because I know he might not decide to keep me pregnant for that long, but I know that he CAN. So Lord, I beseech you, please keep this baby inside for 4+ weeks. And on a completely selfish note, I'm praying that Jeff and I will get to hold Lucy after she's born. I know that seems ridiculous compared to everything else going on, but it was one of the hardest things not to get to hold Graham after the delivery. Mommas were made to hold their babies and visiting them the next day in the NICU just isn't the same.


Anonymous said...

Girl I know how you feel, and we are praying for you! I was in that same boat - trying to figure out at what point it was better for the babies to be out rather than in, balancing when the risks of staying in a "dangerous" environment outweighs the risks of prematurity. Hoping theyll stay in long enough to develop but not so long that your body does them any harm... It messes with your head!
Of course having a toddler running around on top of everything adds in a whole new element that I can't even imagine! Hang in there, and rest in the comfort that little Lucy's birthday was decided a LONG time ago by someone much wiser than we are!

Stephanie said...

Jen, saying a prayer for you-- scary and not fun situation for sure. I welled up a little at the end of your post, you are so right, mommas are meant to hold their babies, I can't imagine not being able to, but I know everyone will sing praises at just the birth of that sweet girl, regardless of when. Isn't it in times like those that you wonder what people do when they don't have a Refuge to cling to!
Keep us posted!

Megan said...

Hey Jen, I'm Lydia's sister-in-law Megan. I'm so sorry to hear about these complications...I'll be praying for you! Praying Lucy will keep growing and you can make it longer into your pregnancy and that little Graham will take it easy on ya.

Jen said...

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate the encouragement.