Hanging in There

Still pregnant. Healthy baby. So thankful. That's about all I've got to say. Although I'm getting so anxious to meet her, I'm grateful that Lucy is hanging out just a little bit longer. I was 34 weeks on Wednesday, and I feel like I can breathe a sigh of relief. Hang in there sweet Lucy. Can't wait to hold you soon.

Rockin' Curls

So let's put this serious stuff aside for a post and talk about hair. Have you seen my son's hair? If you haven't, you need to see it in person. It is crazy long, awesome, curly hair (sorry...just let me brag for a minute). He is a little rocker dude. And when it gets in his face, all you have to do is tell him to fix it, and in Kelly Kapowski fashion, he gets it out of his eyes.

Can't you now understand why we haven't cut it? One day I had G in the bathroom and scissors in my hand. I called Jeff to tell him I was about to cut it, and he would not have it! I think Jeff loves his hair more than I do.

These pictures are probably a couple of months old, so it's even longer. Oh, and just imagine what it looks like when it's wet. I had really planned on taking him to get in cut within the next couple of weeks, but it looks like that is going to have to wait until after Lucy is born. The only downside to these rockin' curls is that he is always getting food in his hair and that he gets called a girl almost every time we get out of the house. Hello! Boys can have curly hair too! People just don't get it. I guess they aren't looking at the brown and blue guitar shirt or vintage Curious George shirt he is wearing when they ask me, "How old is she?"

So to cut or not to cut? That is the question. I keep finding reasons not to cut these curls, and I need some advice!

Blown Away

I'm blown away. Seriously, I've never been so amazed by the generosity of others. Meals are being scheduled for the next 8 weeks from my church. Friends have offered to come from states far, far away to help me take care of Graham. And someone at my church is paying a lady to come clean my house every other week until Lucy arrives. Really? You would do this for me? Some of these people are close friends, and some are church members who don't even know our family that well. God's people are amazing. I know that everyone can't help in the same capacity, but all the phone calls, emails, and offers to help even in small ways really mean a lot to Jeff and me. I hope that I never, never forget this generosity and that I will give to others with no reservations, no strings attached, and with pure joy. Thank you God for being the perfect example of generosity that blows my mind.

Mommas Were Made to Hold Their Babies

I went to the doctor on Monday and the nurse wouldn't even tell me what my blood pressure was. It was really high. She told me to lie down on my side and took it again several minutes later. It was a little better. The doctor walked in and told me that he wasn't sending me to the hospital, but he was putting me on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy (I've got 8 weeks until my due date). He said I could do only what I did when I was in the hospital with Graham. Sit up, lay down, and go to the bathroom. Needless to say, he told me I couldn't really take care of Graham. I couldn't just call up my manager and tell her I was taking a leave of absence like I did last time. I have to have someone come help me take care of my own kid 24/7. I cried, I asked questions, and I tried to make sense of it all. The truth is, I can't really make sense of it. The doctor said that it would develop into preeclampsia, but it's just a matter of whether they decide to deliver Lucy before the preeclampsia develops.
Preeclampsia is more that just a blood pressure issue in pregnancy. It can appear all of a sudden or it can appear gradually, and it can affect both the mother and the baby (the mother's organs, the growth of the baby, etc). It is the leading cause of maternal/fetal death. Not really one of those facts you want to read about, but thankfully in the U.S. this is rarely the case. Thank goodness for prenatal care! Everyone just says that it is a crazy disease. They don't know what causes it and the only cure is delivery of the baby. So that makes it difficult. Obviously doctors want to keep the mother pregnant until she can deliver a healthy baby, but sometimes in the best interest of both mom and baby it means a premature delivery.
I'm frustrated, I'm sad, I'm bored, and I'm trying to trust in God all at the same time. I had a 75% chance of this NOT happening again. Why do I have to be in the 25%? Maybe if we knew this was going to happen again, then Jeff and I would have decided to not have any more children. And what would life be like one day without little Lucy Paige? God has a plan, I'm sure.
I was hoping I would not meet this baby until December 1st when I have a c-section scheduled, but it looks like we'll probably meet her a little sooner. I really want to make it to 34 weeks. That's just two weeks from today. Even better than that would be 36 weeks. Some of those 36 week babies don't even have to stay in the NICU. And any further than that would just be icing on the cake. So maybe, just maybe, since this is not a bartering game, I will ask God for the icing on the cake. It's scary to write that down, because I know he might not decide to keep me pregnant for that long, but I know that he CAN. So Lord, I beseech you, please keep this baby inside for 4+ weeks. And on a completely selfish note, I'm praying that Jeff and I will get to hold Lucy after she's born. I know that seems ridiculous compared to everything else going on, but it was one of the hardest things not to get to hold Graham after the delivery. Mommas were made to hold their babies and visiting them the next day in the NICU just isn't the same.

What's Going On

Thank you Lord! I'm writing this post from my home and not a hospital room! The hospital is brand spanking new (just opened on Saturday), but I'm much more content at my own place. And besides, they are still trying to figure out what they're doing over there. The staff is great, but they've got a lot of new technology to work with so it's going to take some time. Almost everyone who walked in my room said they really didn't know what they were doing. I told Jeff several weeks ago that I was so glad I wasn't going to be the first c-section at the new hospital. And then I got sent to the hospital, and then Jeff rode on the elevator with the husband of the first c-section patient. I guess it all went smoothly.
I'm home for now, but I'm a little nervous about the coming weeks. My blood pressure has been great until this week which is very similar to what it did when I was pregnant with Graham. I'm hoping that the doctor doesn't put me on bed rest on Monday. I'm trying to make the most of this weekend because I know from here on out I will be monitored very closely and need to be prepared for bed rest or a hospital stay. So that's where we stand. I wasn't very good about updating the blog when I was in the hospital with G, but I'll try to be a little better this time around. Hopefully, there will be nothing to update. Oh, and by the way, Lucy is doing great. Whatever is going on in my body doesn't seem to be affecting her. She's moving around like crazy, and I got to see her cute chubby cheeks Monday night. She even stuck her tongue out at us!

Déjà vu

Yesterday, what I'd been scared of this entire pregnancy actually happened. I went to the doctor's office and my blood pressure was high. They immediately sent me to the hospital and kept me overnight for monitoring. I kept telling myself that I had a 75% chance of not having preeclampsia again with this pregnancy. And then I lost it. Why do I bank in percentages and not in the God of my salvation? I still don't know if I have preeclampsia now or if it will develop in the coming weeks, but I'm somewhat on pins and needles until about 8:00 tonight. I convinced the doctor to let me go home from the hospital for the afternoon and pending the results of some tests, I may be back in the hospital this evening. I'm mentally trying to prepare myself for another stay in the hospital, but I'm trying to be hopeful at the same time. I'm praying that I get to enjoy the rest of this pregnancy on two feet for 2 more months. But only God knows what the rest of this pregnancy will look like. I'm worried about Lucy, I'm worried about being separated from Graham and Jeff, and I'll admit it- I'm worried about myself.
With Graham, I was in the hospital for 6 weeks. So it's a weird feeling right now. I feel like I need to make the most of the next few hours just in case I'm in the hospital for the next couple of months. But I'm on bed rest for the afternoon so there's no time for fixing up the nursery, cleaning our bathtub, or rearranging Graham's new room. I don't think that I'll ever go down in the books as a woman who was "made to have babies." Pregnancy and me just don't seem to mix well.

I was encouraged today when my sweet friend Martha emailed me these verses:
"If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night, even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:11-14.

And I cling to Psalm 139 not because I have some incredible trust in God right now, but because I know that he can instill that trust within my heart and that repeating his words can convince my doubting soul.