Here are a few things a guy just might not want to do or say to his wife/lady friend (as Jeff likes to call them). I'm not speaking from experience, of course.
"You're so beautiful, you could be a part time model." Apparently this is from a song, but how was I supposed to know? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYcDhG3kNq8
"I love you just as much as I love Steve (the dog), just in different ways. I love you as much as I can love you, and I love Steve as much as I can love Steve."
Saying "you look cute" on a night that your wife is feeling drop dead gorgeous.
When you ask him if something is cute, he just says, "Sure."
"Why don't you make pancakes like your mom?"
"Maybe you could get some recipes from my mom?"
Because you forgot to get anything for your wife for Valentine's Day, you go and find a card she once gave you, cross out her name, and insert your own, and say "Happy Valentine's Day," as if everything is okay. It's really not funny until a few months down the road.
These are just a few. I'm sure I could add more if I thought really hard. Anyone else have some great lines? By the way, I'm not bashing men. I love my husband and in a sense, I even love his verbal mishaps!