To the Moon And Back

I'm not sure when I'll stop getting sentimental and nostalgic over birthdays. It hasn't happened yet. It's a sweet day for me, and I hope my kids feel its special for them too. Like a video, I play the events in my head that led up to Graham's birth. It was a rough day. But being removed from that day by three years, I can say it was a beautiful day. I remember the hard things about the weeks that led up to Graham's birth, but I also remember seeing my first child for the first time, and nothing can put a damper on that.

This year was fun because Graham was definitely aware that it was his birthday. Jeff and I blew up balloons and threw them all over Graham's room last night. I also taped streamers to his doorway. When he woke up this morning, I heard him crying for me.
"What's wrong Graham?"
"The balloons don't have strings! What happened to the strings? The ones at Chick-fil-A have strings!"

He was seriously crying over the balloons. Not exactly the response I was looking for. I guess the boy likes balloons with helium!

Then, I made him some pancakes with sprinkles and M&M's on top. He blew out the candles in his pancakes, and then ate the M&M's. That was all he had for breakfast...M&M's. We went to Bible Study, the park for lunch, and Graham's favorite restaurant for dinner. We had lots of phone calls, texts, Skype conversations, snail mail, and Jib Jab e-cards. And then I curled up with Graham on the couch and read him On The Night You Were Born. After the story, we flipped threw a photo book from his first year of life and talked about the day he entered the world.

So it was a normal day, and it was a special day all at the same time. Sometimes parents think their kids hung the moon, and for just a moment please allow me to think that too. He's a full of life, fun-loving, imaginative, tenderhearted, hot dog eating, football loving, sweet big brother and son. And I love him to the moon and back.

Something's Gotta Give

Despite the fact that my husband is against New Year's resolutions, I obliged him to set "goals" with me for 2012. We had some of the typical and unrealistic goals that everyone else and their mother also set this year. But we also talked about how we want to pray for our kids after we put them to bed at night and how we want to read through the Bible in the next year. It probably won't happen. But you gotta aim high, right?

I also started contemplating the million other things that I would love to do in the coming year. I want to be more organized. I want to have birthday cards ready to send out to every friend and relative. I want to have lesson plans for my kids each week. I want to cook amazing yet healthy food. I want to sew some of my kids' clothes. I want to learn to take good pictures. I want to read more Classics. I want to read more theological books. I want to plant a garden. I want to can foods from my garden. And so on. And so on. I didn't really write all these things down on my official goal list, but they were thoughts just lingering around. My mind started going crazy with all the things I would like to be better at. And the list became exhausting. Really it did. Something's gotta give. And just what would it be?

A wise woman in my church said that we should pray every morning, "God show me what you would have me do today." I think those will be the first words from my heart every morning. (Please ignore the fact that this is probably another unrealistic goal). I might have to throw my goals to the wayside so I can do what God would have me do each day. Because the problem is that they are my goals, and they may not be God's goals. I'm not convinced that setting resolutions are bad, but I am convinced that they are burdensome and destructive when they become idols. My resolutions should never ever interfere with the answer to this simple question, "What would God have me do TODAY?"

So I rest in Jesus. I rest in him who has lived a perfect life and has finished the race for me. I surrender each day and all my goals to him and hope and pray that I do what he would have me do every moment of my life. Something's gotta give. Something's gotta give me hope, and peace, and patience, and gentleness when my goals aren't met and even when my goals are met lest I become prideful and arrogant. Rest in Jesus my dear friends. Rest in his abounding love and free grace in this new year.

Starting the New Year With A Bang!

I'm starting the New Year out with a bang...that is...in the kitchen of course. I decided I would make my friend's 8 minute tomato soup. I wanted something besides a grilled cheese or PB&J, and I could handle 8 minutes. First, I put the soup in a pot that was too small...the cream quickly overflowed. Next, I moved the soup to be pureed in the blender. I turned it on and was nearly frozen in shock. Hot tomato soup flying all across myself and the entire kitchen. I couldn't find the "Off" button soon enough. Needless to say, 8 minute soup turned into 45 minute soup by the time I got myself, my cabinets, and my appliances all clean. To be honest, it's almost 4 in the afternoon, and I still haven't cleaned it up completely. I know I'm a domestic goddess. Really, really, you don't have to flatter me with compliments on my awesome cooking and cleaning skills.

I've set some goals for myself this year which I hope to post about later, but I think I have a goal to set for Graham: learn to get dressed by himself. I asked him to completely dress himself this morning. What did I find? Graham with his underwear on backwards, his shirt on backwards, and his jeans on backwards. I think we may need to work on that! When I tell him he needs to turn his underwear around, he always replies, "But I like it that way! I can't see Thomas if I turn it around." Those silly underwear makers. Why do they sometimes put the design on the rear end part of the underwear? My kid wants to see the Mickey Mouse, the Thomas, the Buzz Light Year!

So that's life in 2012 so far. Disasters in the kitchen, backwards clothing, and Miss Lucy Paige who is so proud of herself and her new found skill...walking! Go Lucy!

He Makes Me Smile

It's been a busy 6 weeks. In addition to all the normal craziness surrounding the holidays, Jeff and I both celebrated our birthdays and our 6th anniversary. Despite the chaos, it's been full of delight. Graham loved Christmas last year, but this year it's at a whole new level. I just stared at him and watched the delight in his eyes as he watched the The Polar Express one night. I swear his eyes were sparkling!

Graham just makes me smile...especially at Christmas. His imagination, his choice of words, and his facial expressions just make my day. Here are a few of Graham's humorous holiday quotes:

"He's a mean one. Mr. Munch."

Graham's review of the movie White Christmas. - "I don't like the shooting. I DO like the singing!"

After we returned home from a Christmas Eve party, he had this conversation with himself: "I didn't think they were going to have cookies. But they did have cookies. (short pause) Silly Graham!"

He also told his Grandma that Santa was stinky...probably because of his reindeer.

After he got a candy cane from the Santa at preschool, he said, "It tastes like cement." His teacher stated, "You mean it tastes like peppermint?"
"No, like cement," Graham said.

Needles to say, he makes my heart melt.

Lingering

A year ago, I cried when I met our sweet Lucy. When I saw her, her hair looked black. Her skin was dark. Some people called her my little Hispanic baby. But, now her jaundice is gone...her skin looks like mine. And her hair is light brown...looks like it might turn blonde. She's got beautiful blue eyes, and her cheeks are still just as full if not fuller than the day she was born. She still has those precious dimples.

I've been a little emotional today. I've thought about what a whirlwind this last year has been. But I have tried to treasure this year a little more than I did the first time. This time I knew how quickly it would go by. This time I knew that 3:30 am feedings wouldn't last forever. This time I knew she wouldn't always want to lay her head on my chest. This time I knew that before long I would be tucking her into a big girl bed, potty training, and dropping her off for her first day of preschool. And so I was able to stay a little more sane during those crazy first days, weeks, months.

I linger after she's fallen asleep in my arms, because I know these moments are precious. Before long I'll be at my daughter's wedding. Maybe I'll be reading excerpts from this blog at her rehearsal dinner. And I'll continue to linger over all those "firsts" knowing that they may soon be her "lasts."

I don't want to forget this first year. I want to always remember her contagious, uncontrollable laugh. I want to remember her blowing kisses all day long. I want to remember how she adores her brother and how she plays cars and trains with him. I want to remember the crazy dance she does every time she hears music. I can't forget how she cries when she sees the cow at Chick-fil-A or how she tears up when I simply say the word, "No." I can't forget how she would probably be content with me holding her all.day.long.

I love Lucy like crazy, and I can't wait to see what a beautiful woman she becomes. I can't wait to see what God does in her life. Happy First Birthday Lucy Paige. I'm so blessed to be your mom.

Carrots

Shepherd's Pie and honey glazed carrots were for dinner. Graham wouldn't touch the Shepherd's Pie. He just kept asking for more carrots. "I'm so glad you love carrots, Graham. Did you know that carrots are so good for you? They help you see better." (By the way is this just an old wives tale? Hope I wasn't lying to him.) Anyway, after a few helpings of carrots, I insisted that the boy eat some meat and taters. A few minutes later Graham looks at me with his eyes halfway closed.
"I can't see! I can't see!"
"Why are you saying you can't see?"
"Because I need more carrots."
And so manipulation begins. Or maybe it just continues.

My Mommy Confession

I confess that I feel guilty when I let my kids watch a TV show, and I feel proud when I've read them two books in one day. I confess that I consider myself a good mom when I've cooked a meal from scratch and when we've done a craft at home. I confess that sometimes I determine whether I've had a good day or bad day based on if my kids have taken their naps or not. I confess that I think I have the ability to make my kids smart, beautiful, and a follower of Jesus. I confess that I often care more about how my children act in public than their actual hearts. I confess that I compare my children to other people's children. I confess that I judge other people's parenting skills. I confess that I'm insecure about my own parenting skills. I confess that sometimes I put more thought into the cute outfits I want my kids to wear than in my children's salvation. I confess that I'm really just a screwed up human being desperately hating my never stopping sins who is asking God to do something amazing, life giving, and eternal in the hearts of my children. I confess that despite my fleeting, doubting ways, I want Jesus for myself, and I so fervently want Jesus for my children.